Mount Ass-uvius

I chugged a huge cup of coffee this morning. However, my usual post-coffee dump has alluded me thus far today. I feel like I'm sitting atop a poo-cano that's ready to explode at any minute!

FtB

Uh-Oh!

In an office environment you can hear all sorts of things, conversations and comments. In this case, I heard one of my co-workers' thoughts out loud and I returned with a quick reply to that thought.

It went down like this...

Nick: "Uh-Oh!"

Solid Mass: "What, you gotta poop?"

Nick: "Yup!" (running to the bathroom)

-Solid Mass

Happy Birthday

"First gift of the day."

- From a friend celebrating his 27th birthday today

No Coffee Saturday

I didn't drink any coffee yesterday. My body didn't know how to react in the absence of its usual poo-accelerant (coffee). So, by about 4pm I decided it was time to pinch one out regardless. I've never tried so hard to squeeze out two pathetic little rabbit terds. I can't wait to have my coffee again and take a real hold-on-the-rails-get-the-hell-out-of-my-way kind of dump on Monday.

FtB

Hard Work

Seeing as how unloading massive, monstrous dumps every morning that require a ton of clean up can be considered "work", shouldn't we get a day off? Possibly a little vacation?

Maybe that's why we have constipation. Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeet

-Solid Mass

Either or...

Either someone had a very angry and messy dump, or I missed the "TP" party. Let's just make sure I get an invite next time.

-Solid Mass

Back on the throne

In the stall right now and all the guy next to me has done is fart and cough so far. I'm literally covering my mouth with my hand so that I don't start laughing out loud.

FtB

Food For Thought

To my fellow dumpee's

Is it any coincidence that my shit, and on occasion, diarrhea is the same color (and sometimes consistency) as my coffee?

-Solid Mass

You know...

...you're a dumpaholic when you finish your morning cup of coffee while taking a crap.

-FtB

Smile For The Birdie

Because every egg needs a proper nest...

-Solid Mass

Immunity

I sat next to a guy who managed to kill a 12 oz cup of coffee, bowl of oatmeal and bran muffin during an hour and a half meeting this morning and he didn't even flinch. It's a miracle he didn't shit himself half way through the meeting. He must have some sort of rare immunity to coffee or something.

- FtB

Phone Trap

I called my dad this morning at the same time I poured my first cup of coffee. Big mistake. There's no way to subtly signal over the phone I need to drop some heat right NOW. I just hung up and pretended my phone went dead. Sorry dad.

- FtB

A Quick End

Sealing my own fate
- Solid Mass